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The number on her jersey. The ribbon in her hair. The bracelet on her wrist. The initials on her glove. They all have a deep meaning.

Louisville senior pitcher Sam Booe uses them to honor her brother, Brayton, who died by suicide in 2012 at age 15. 

“It is my way of having him on the field with me,” Booe said. “I feel the closest to him when I’m playing softball, and it helps me get through all the highs and lows.”

Booe was eight years old when her brother died. Brayton was a freshman at New Palestine High in Indiana. He played football and wrestled. He loved riding dirt bikes and fishing.

“It was really hard for all of us. Being so young, I didn’t really understand it. It was kind of just confusing, like ‘Where’s my brother at? When is he going to be home?’” Booe said. “As I got older, it was really hard for me. But my parents were really good. They were always checking on me. It just really changed our lives in general.”

Booe had started playing softball around the same time as her brother’s death and he was a major supporter. She immediately felt a bigger purpose in her participation.

“He had big dreams of going D1 and one of his favorite schools was Notre Dame,” Booe said. “When he passed away, I kind of wanted to fulfill his dreams in a way, but also fulfill my own dreams.”

Booe chose to wear the same number as her brother, picking 51 once she was given the option. She wears a blue ribbon in her hair and a blue bracelet on her wrist with her brother’s name, birthday (Aug. 5) and the anniversary of his death (May 2). Blue was Brayton’s favorite color.

The bracelets were given out during a community candlelight vigil in New Palestine a few days after Brayton’s death. Booe has never taken the bracelet off since that day. Her original bracelet finally snapped during her freshman year at Louisville, but she was able to get another. 

Miss you everyday bub. I love you forever. Always check on your people, they may need you more than you know.

— sam booe (@sambooe51)

Cardinal Connection

During her recruitment to Louisville, Booe felt her brother’s presence while trying to make her decision about committing to the Cardinals.

“There’s a saying when you see a cardinal, it’s someone from heaven coming to say hi,” Booe said. “So when I chose Louisville, that was just like a big sign that I’m meant to be here. That’s a big one for me, just seeing Cardinals and knowing he’s there. Or when there’s like a stream of light coming from the clouds, I always feel like he’s saying hi.”

Although both were young when Brayton passed away, Booe and her middle brother Matthew had a strong bond with him.

“We were all really close. Brayton was kind of like our savior person. He’d always do our chores, he’d make sure we were safe. He always made fun of me since I was the little sister,” Booe said, laughing softly at the memory. “His friends were always fun. We had a good relationship.”

Every year on Brayton’s birthday and the anniversary of his death, Booe and her family write notes to him and attach them to memory lanterns to float in the air. They go to his favorite restaurants or make his favorite food.

“It’s just like a hole in my heart. I was always sad, especially around his anniversary date,” Booe said. “It’s in May, so it’s during softball season. Most of my teammates have known about it and are always really good about checking in on me.”

‘I Hope I’m Making Him Proud’

Booe plans to attend an accelerated nursing program after she graduates. She just finished most of her applications.

“Almost every female in my family is a nurse. My mom, my cousins, my aunts-like everyone’s a nurse,” she said. “Hearing their stories kind of inspired me to keep it going.”

For the last two months, Booe’s been serving an internship at Mary & Elizabeth Hospital in Louisville in the cardiac and pulmonary rehab unit. She will continue it throughout the season.

“On days that I can, I’ll go in and get a couple of hours here and there,” she said. “I love it. It’s been really fun. The people are amazing and really helpful. I’ve learned a lot of stuff there so far.”

Booe has progressively improved in the circle each season at Louisville. The right-hander, who relies more on spin and movement than velocity, is “super excited about this season because it’s probably going to be the best softball I’ve ever played.”

Through it all, reminders of her older brother will surround Booe. From her jersey to her glove to her hair to her wrist, his memory will be a force that motivates her to live her best life.

“Some days it’s harder than others,” Booe said. “Every once in a while I’ll get this wind of like, he’s really gone and I really miss him. I hope I’m making him proud.”

If you or someone you know is struggling with mental health, reach out for help immediately by calling the Crisis Lifeline at 988; you can also text 988 to connect with a crisis counselor 24/7. In a life-threatening emergency, call 911.